Alright, let’s talk cynicism. 

Cynicism is the act of being cynical, which is assuming the worst in people and situations. Lots of things can lead to feeling this way: impossibly high standards that lead to a lack of patience or kindness, a track record of this person or situations like this constantly letting us down or frustrating/hurting us, and a lack of compassion for people struggling with sin. 

It’s hard. It’s hard to love others when they’re constantly letting us down, or not doing things correctly. It’s hard to look at someone who has hurt us time and time again and think “Maybe they won’t do it this time,” knowing deep in our bones that they most definitely will. It’s hard to trust others.

Jesus makes it very clear in Matthew 22:36-40 CSB:

“Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

Love God and love others. Jesus walked this earth 100% human, He KNOWS how hard people make it to love them. I promise, even as lovely as you are, reader, you’re also difficult to love to someone out there. Jesus knew this and still told us that this is the second greatest command. 

What is love, and why can’t a cynic love?

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 CSB)

If we lack even one of these, we’re not loving the person. I can be patient and kind to my son, but the second I keep records of everything he’s done wrong, how is that love? If I’m rude and only thinking of myself, it doesn’t matter how not envious or not arrogant I am, it still isn’t love.

If we’re cynical towards someone, we are charging them with a record of wrongs. It doesn’t matter how many times this person has hurt us, or let us down, we’re called to still love them.

Now, this is not giving people a free pass to treat you badly; you can leave a relationship and still CHOOSE to love them.

I have a friend who was very dear to me until recently, when I realized that she isn’t capable of giving friendship in a way that works for me. It was months, if not years, of constantly being runner up and second best. Plans being canceled because something better came up, or not hearing from her for ages because she found a better friend group. It hurt to realize I wasn’t important to her the way she was to me, but it was necessary to allow God to close the door on that relationship so that I could grow in the healthy relationships God had given me!

What does loving her look like in this context? I’m so glad you asked!

She called and wanted to make plans with me a while back and I lamented to my husband that she would probably cancel anyway so I should just tell her I’m busy, right? My super wise and super lovely husband said, “What if she doesn’t cancel? What if you’re assuming the worst of her and taking away her ability to do better? How would you feel if you found out she was really excited about this and had no intention of canceling no matter what comes up?”

Well, dang. I would have felt horrible, and been super apologetic. It’s so easy to just dismiss people because they don’t reach our standards in something. I do it with the kids at church all the time. This kid can’t read very well, and I find myself thinking, “I wish I hadn’t asked them to read! This is taking so much longer and the other kids are getting antsy.” But, after a few months of this kid reading out loud? She reads the best in the room! She took the opportunity to grow!

This is why cynicism has no place in loving people, it stifles any chance of God working in the situation.

What do I do instead?

It [love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7 CSB)

Love bears all things: bears in this context is the Greek word stegei which means to cover. Love covers all things. 

Love recognizes the faults in others and refrains from sharing it with the world. Instead, love sees the fault, sees when our brothers and sisters fall short, and chooses to walk alongside them and help instead of condemning. 

This goes back to that “Keeps no records of wrongs” part of the passage. When we see someone mess up, we help where we can.

This past week, I was supposed to pay for donuts at the church I work for. I order them in advance and pay for them so that the deacons can just grab them and go. Guess who forgot? 

When I got into work and saw the receipt and the deacon’s note saying “please reimburse me,” I was MORTIFIED. I kept waiting all day long for someone to make a joke or reprimand me for forgetting such an important part of my job. But, no one did. Instead, this deacon saw that I made a mistake, fixed it for me, and didn’t make a big deal about it. As far as I know, no one knows except me, him, and DeeDee, and now all of you!

It made such an anxiety inducing situation so much easier for me. How do we do that for others? Even though someone frustrated us or hurt our feelings, we keep it to ourselves instead of running to tell the next person. We bear that problem with them and take it to God if we need to, so that we don’t embarrass them or make others feel negatively towards them.

Love believes all things: believes here is the Greek word pisteuei which means to have faith.

We have to have faith in the people we interact with. When we assume the worst, we treat them that way. We respond rudely, or ignore them completely. We treat them like they’re going to hurt us or put us into a bad mood so we act badly.

This isn’t loving them. This is bracing for the worst. And funny enough, have you heard the thing that bracing for a car accident actually makes the injuries worse? Welp, maybe bracing ourselves for things leads to more bad than good.

Lastly, love endures all things: endures here is the Greek word hypomenei which means to remain. To choose to stay even when it’s easier not to. 

Again, this does not mean to be a doormat, but instead to CHOOSE to love regardless of the circumstances. Even if loving is from afar, it’s the choice not to let it fester into resentment or hate. 

None of these things are easy, especially in the face of trials, but they are necessary.

Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love—but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13 CSB)

To finish this chapter off, Paul reminds us again how important love is. It took a lot of researching and digging to figure out how on earth love is more important than hope, or especially faith. Here’s what I found out: God is love.

Faith and hope are gifts that God has given us. We can have hope because we know that God is good and merciful. We know that He is faithful if we put our hope in Him. We are also allowed the grace to have faith in Him! They’re beautiful gifts.

But, love? Love is special because God IS love. We can only love because God loved us first. God wants us to reap the benefits of loving and being loved. He wants us to show others His love by loving them the way He loves us, or our sad attempt at it. I don’t know about you, but I know that I won’t ever be able to love as perfectly as God.

So, remember this as you go through your day: in a world where cynicism runs rampant, remind people what it’s like to be loved by God. Remind them that while we all fall short, we’re worth loving because God decided that we are. 
And God didn’t choose who is worth loving, He commands that we love all of our neighbors, so we don’t get to choose either.