If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, his religion is useless and he deceives himself. James 1:26 CSB

I want to challenge you, lovely reader, to stick in this uncomfortable topic with me. Don’t gloss over this for more encouraging topics, because this is one that we all struggle with. We all (men and women) have a tendency to speak out our emotions, especially the negative. Just this past Sunday a lady vented about a family simply because she didn’t know them.

Isn’t that sad? Gossip isn’t usually intended maliciously: we view it as venting usually. But that doesn’t change the fact that if someone heard us saying these things, they’d be hurt.

This is a judgment free zone, so it’s okay to admit where we’ve fallen short, but it’s not okay to stay there. Let’s read that verse together: “...His religion is useless and he deceives himself.” Can we all just say “oof” together on this? If we can’t control our tongue, and we do EXACTLY what I just admitted to doing, my religion is useless.

Does God really care about the occasional mean thing I say? Is it really that big of a deal? Let’s talk about it.

Does God Really Care About Gossip?

In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking. They are to teach what is good. Titus 2:3 CSB

Wives, likewise, should be worthy of respect, not slanderers, self-controlled, faithful in everything. 1 Timothy 3:11 CSB

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. James 4:11 NIV

Do not go about spreading slander among your people; do not jeopardize your neighbor’s life; I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:16 CSB

Should I go on? That’s just four, and I haven’t even touched the book of Proverbs yet! 

Even as children we were taught the “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” We knew from early on that saying mean things isn’t good. Our authors further talk about it saying that it isn’t good (Titus), that it isn’t worthy of respect (1 Timothy), equates it to speaking against the law (James), and God straight up says not to do it (Leviticus). How do we argue with this scripture?

And let’s be clear, being the one talking isn’t the only part of gossip. If we listen, if we participate, if we allow gossip to take root in a conversation? We’re also part of the gossip. We are also slanderers. 

Is Gossip Really That Bad?

Now, we’ve made it five hundred words and I haven’t even told you guys a story yet! 

Once upon a time, brand new christian Mel was obsessed with overseas missions. The unfortunate part of this was two fold: I had (and maybe still have, but that’ll be another post) horrible money habits and worked part time. I had no money to go on all the trips I dreamed of, but an opportunity to go to Nicaragua fell into my lap. So, I sent out a letter to the people who loved me, asking for monetary help so I could go do this thing I was on fire for!

One of my lovely aunts gave a substantial amount and I immediately wrote a thank you note since she made it possible for me to go! Another unfortunate variable to this story: She had just lost her husband. She had a lot going on, and even though my mom gave her the thank you note, I think it got lost in the crazy season that is losing your spouse.

Now, with all that back story, I tell you that I heard from many, many family members that she was really upset with me and hurt, and that she was talking to everyone about how bratty I was for just taking the money and not talking to her about it. I was so hurt and so embarrassed. 

Being on the receiving end of the gossip is hard, and puts things into perspective. She most definitely didn’t intend for me to hear the negative and hateful things she said, but I did. Since then, I haven’t been able to have a conversation with her that I didn’t keep my guard up, which stinks because she is a lovely christian woman who was one of my biggest advocates when I first started pursuing Jesus. 

My heart breaks when I think about the incredible relationship that I had with her that we haven’t been able to repair. 

Have you heard things that hurt your feelings? Have you been on the receiving end of gossip? We should keep those experiences in mind when we let our tongues do the leading. 

No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29 CSB)

Our words should be used to build others up, not drag them down, no matter how much they have frustrated or hurt us. When we slander others, we are creating a bad picture of them for others. No matter how justified we may feel in that, we are not the judges, God is. We are not the final say on whether someone is a good person or not, God is. Every human being is created in God’s image, and we have to acknowledge that. When we slander them, we are slandering God and His creation. We are not called to hate but instead to love one another as Christ has, and that means helping others through sin, not blasting their mistakes to everyone else.

So, What’s the Alternative?

The alternative is simple: turn to God. 

When you’re so angry you could spit, so upset you could cry, so frustrated you just can’t sit with the injustice, turn to God.

You don’t have to sit in that anger and frustration, and let it fester, not when God can change your heart towards love.

Now, hear me out, this is not an easy change in life. This is NOT an easy change. I am not saying that this will make every situation so much easier, but I am saying that by turning to God first? Maybe we’ll realize the situation doesn’t matter quite as much as we think it does.

Small caveat, some hurt/anger can only be dealt with by confronting it. And that’s okay too. Jesus talks about the biblical way to do this for a reason. But not every hill is one to die on (This has been my BIG lesson of my 20’s. Yes, it’s okay to just let a hill be a hill, not a battle.) But confrontation can’t be done out of hate, but instead out of love for the person and their walk with God.

Loving God seems so much simpler than loving each other, right? God is good and merciful and loving. God doesn’t say mean things that embarrass us or hurt us, but instead God protected us from His own wrath by sending us His only son. But Jesus didn’t say that these were the most important commands just to say it: He meant it. 

So, turn to God first. When those feelings start bubbling up and you just HAVE to talk about it, pray first. You may be surprised how much God changes your heart before your next conversation.