Loneliness
Do you ever just feel lonely? Like maybe it is because you spend a lot of time by yourself or live alone. Or sometimes there’s the lonely feeling even when surrounded by a lot of people, but it just seems like nobody understands you. If so, I have totally been there (as you saw in a recent post), but so have some major people from the Bible.
The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he saves those crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 CSB
Let’s see how they handled loneliness and see if there's anything we can learn from them.
David
I’m not sure how much you know about David; there is an impressive amount of information shared with us in the Bible about his life. You likely know the impressive story of when he was only a boy and killed Goliath. But do you know how David was treated by King Saul after that victory?
Right after Goliath’s defeat, King Saul was impressed by David and allowed him to live at the king’s palace. Saul’s son, Jonathan, became fast best friends with David and 1st Samuel 18 says “he loved him as much as himself.” Saul sent David out to battle, but Saul quickly became jealous because of the fame and victory David was having in battle. It probably helped that the Spirit of God was with David at this point and not with Saul. Saul gave his daughter to be David’s wife thinking he could use her bride-price as a way to get David killed in battle.
Saul realized that the Lord was with David and that his daughter Michal loved him, and he became even more afraid of David. As a result, Saul was David’s enemy from then on. 1 Samuel 18:28-29 CSB
And by enemy, he truly meant enemy! Saul tried many times to kill David. So much that at one point David had to hide in the cave of Adullam. It was here that David wrote some of the Psalms. We can see his emotion pouring from the words showing how alone and anguished he felt.
I am forgotten: gone from memory like a dead person—like broken pottery. Psalm 31:12 CSB
You saw it, Lord; do not be silent. Lord, do not be far from me. Psalm 35:22 CSB
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am alone and afflicted. The distresses of my heart increase; bring me out of my sufferings. Consider my affliction and trouble, and forgive all my sins. Psalm 25:16-18 CSB
Look to the right and see: no one stands up for me; there is no refuge for me; no one cares about me. Psalm 142:4 CSB
Have you said any of these things or something similar before? I know I have. David was being hunted to be killed by someone who was once his mentor; who is his best friend’s father. Sadly this isn’t the only time in David’s life where he struggled with loneliness.
So what can we learn from this situation? For one, we see that David would often turn to God in these moments. While that may not be a quick cure, it allowed him to pour out his feelings to the appropriate person at the appropriate time. I love how we see this clearly in his own Psalms. In each of the Psalms listed above where David was expressing his anguish and despair, he was speaking straight to God. Not only that, but David would either praise God in that same Psalm or speak truths about God. While of course David is able to express his thoughts during this, more importantly he is able to reorient his focus on the One who matters. The One who never leaves him.
Paul
Then there’s Paul. Now Paul’s story is different from David’s, but the one thing they share is how they responded in their loneliness- by focusing on God rather than themselves. We see Paul’s words as he wrote to Timothy:
At my first defense, no one stood by me, but everyone deserted me. May it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that I might fully preach the word and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil work and will bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever! Amen. 2 Timothy 4:16-18 CSB
So what is our context here? Paul is in a Roman prison. He isn’t there because he committed murder or some other heinous crime. He is imprisoned for sharing the Gospel of Jesus.
I myself have never been in prison, nor do I plan to be, but I have watched a few documentaries about people living in American prisons. I can only imagine how lonely it would be, especially at first, being away from all your loved ones and modern amenities. Now whether Paul was under house arrest at the time he wrote this letter, or if he was in a dark, damp, dungeon- neither matters as much as realizing he was separated from his friends and loved ones and being punished for something ridiculous.
Paul obviously felt lonely. No doubt about that. How did he handle this? By praising God! Notice how he gives God all the glory for allowing him to be used in the way that he was. How would things change if we were to turn our feelings of loneliness into praise for how God will use the situation?
Conclusion
Today we only touched on two instances with only two people from the Bible who had feelings of loneliness. This is, by no means, an exhaustive list. This only serves to remind you (and me!) that when we are struggling with these kinds of thoughts that we can remember:
1. We aren’t the only ones who have felt this way.
2. We aren’t alone.
3. God wants to hear us share our thoughts and feelings with Him.
4. We can reorient our focus from our feelings to Him by praising Him and sharing truths about Him to ourselves.
Does that mean the feeling will immediately go away? Uhhhh, not usually. But I can guarantee it’s a much better coping skill for loneliness than anything else you may usually do.
My challenge for you (okay, for me, too) is to try this the next time we are struggling with loneliness.
